Spoilers!

“For what?!” you may cry. “How am I to know what is to be spoiled?! Am I to avoid this dashingly handsome blog post? Please, tell me, o writer of these rambling paragraphs!” Well, fear not, I plan to spoil nothing at all here. Instead, I will be talking about spoilers themselves.

Spoilers are a problem, because what is heard cannot be unheard, and the human mind has a terrific way of stapling anything it doesn’t want to hear to the back of your eyelids. Sometimes, things are spoiled unknowingly, via referential humour, and the wrongdoing is only noticed among the groans of those inflicted, and no amount of apology, accepted or not, can right the wrong. The twist in the story is now burned into that person’s brain, and they will never be able to approach it from a fresh perspective ever again.

Some people spoil things with callous disregard, in the Youtube video titles and thumbnails of their WATCH ME REACT videos, in various social media comments, and lately, in the Facebook trends. I won’t spoil it here, but at the end of a season of a television show, the headline was literally <CHARACTER DIES IN TV SHOW>. There have since been multiples of the headline <FANS OF TV SHOW DISCUSSES CHARACTER’S FATE>. Why? WHY?

The worst kind of spoiler, however, is the one that is still socially acceptable and is by no means meant with any kind of ill intention. It’s the “I’m not going to spoil this for you, but the twist in the end is amazing!” Not as destructive as the detailed discussion of events, but you will now spend that entire movie / TV series / book / holotape waiting for the inevitable betrayal to come, and trying to guess from which character. The problem is, that kind of foreknowledge makes the betrayer easier to predict, as the story is written with the intention of the audience not knowing that there will be any betrayal at all, and therefore not looking for it.

It doesn’t have to be something so monumental as a specific event, either. “That series is great; I wouldn’t get too attached to any of the characters, though.” I wouldn’t scowl at anyone who said this, but even this is sowing the seeds of expectation within the minds of those you’re recommending the fiction to, dulling any unexpected deaths, if only by a little.

Where do we draw the line though? If my previous paragraph is to be believed, we dare not open our mouths to mention even the smallest of details. Many people think that there should be a 2 week or so spoiler free period, after which it’s open season. Others think that spoilers should never be openly discussed with those who haven’t seen it and it’s up to the would-be-spoiler…er… to moderate their side of the discussion. Others think it’s down to the person who doesn’t want to be spoiled to avoid these conversations, and whilst I agree with that to a point (i.e don’t go visiting internet messaging boards about a series you’ve not finished watching), it’s a little selfish to expect the nearest newbie to a fiction to dive headfirst out of the nearest window at the mere mention of their potential spoiler.

My personal guideline is this: Do not discuss spoilers with those who mention not wanting them, and ask first. (“Ah, there was a great moment in… wait, have you ever seen Jessica Jones?” “No.” “Ah alright, you should watch it.”) However, do not tear out the throat of anyone who unintentionally spoils something for you, for it is just fiction in the end, and if they meant no harm, then I’m sure they can be forgiven. Do not post spoilers publicly online, i.e Facebook or Twitter, where there are no spoiler tags available. And for the love of all that is fluffy and adorable, do not publicly spoil something just because somebody spoiled it for you.

Now, speaking of spoilers, I have an issue. I would love to use this blog to discuss things like Jessica Jones, Doctor Who, the books I’m reading, so on and so forth. These would only ever be additional to the weekly posts, as the majority of any readership for a non-specified topic blog won’t be interested. My problem is spoilers; as far as I can tell, WordPress offers no means of hiding spoilers from those just scrolling by, not wanting any trouble. The only way I can see to get around this would be to link to an external place (say, Google Documents) within a small blog post, but websites like that could die or lose their data at any moment, causing future readers looking back (hello!) to lose access to these posts. So, please let me know if you have a solution! Maybe there is a way to hide spoilers on WordPress and I’m just blind.

Update: Sorry this was posted a day late! I told WordPress to schedule this post for yesterday, but for some reason it never went out. It’s my fault for not checking, I suppose, but better late than never!