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Third Time’s The Charm!

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Hey you! Did you know that I’ve been trying to write stories my entire life? I’ve even created two separate blogs aimed at writing short stories in the past and immediately failed to keep up with them!

For the full story on this, as well as my new short story blog which is absolutely going to stick this time, you can check it out right here.

The aim is to write a new short story every single month. I’m not aiming to get myself noticed, or published, or become a worldwide superstar or anything of the sort. I’m writing for the love of it, and to get myself into the habit of doing so. I already have a 4,500 word long first draft of May’s short story in my Drive, which will go up after I’ve donned my editing hat and had a whittle. If short stories of mine are something which interests you, go give the page a follow!

32 Bit Brain is Expanding!

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What’s 32 Bit Brain, you ask? Why, it’s my gaming blog! Only, it’s not going to be purely about gaming any more. From this point on, I’m also going to write posts about shows, movies, comics and more! It’ll still be mostly focused on gaming, because that’s where my attentions lie, but just in case you were interested in the other stuff, I figured I’d let you know here.

Go check it out!

Taking a Break!

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Hey, folks! I’m going to be taking a break from the monthly blog posts for a little bit, as I don’t have much to say right now and I think the quality falters when I try to make myself write something. I sat down to write about May and realised I’m still not happy about April’s post. The monthly updates will likely return sometime in the future, but in the meantime I’m going to go back to posting irregularly as and when I feel like doing so. I hope you’ll agree with this decision!

In the meantime, I still plan to write plenty about videogames on my sister blog, and you can always find me on Twitter.

April 2021 – Wait, People Read Me?

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One of the perils of monthly updates is in its very nature – what if you’ve not had a very interesting month? Or what if you have, but you’re not ready to share with the public yet? Therein lies the reason for the shallow nature of this month’s post. That being said, I do want to talk about a fun little revelation I had about my sister blog, 32 Bit Brain. Namely: that people read it!

I create a lot of content online, and I approach most of it with the mindset that I’m doing it for me, and anyone else who enjoys it is a bonus – albeit a very much welcome one. I create a video series called The Weekly Waypoint where I talk about my week, typically in terms of what I’ve been playing and watching. This month, I hit the three year milestone, without missing a single week. And most videos average somewhere between 2-5 views, which most people would call nothing. But in all honesty, I’d make them if they got 0 views, because I love being able to jump backwards in time by a year or two to see what I was up to at that particular time. And I won’t lie, there are definitely times when I wish I had more views, but then, every time I consider putting myself out there I remember the toxicity that can come from online forums, and swiftly continue to enjoy my own peace and quiet. That being said – you’re invited, dear reader, if such videos pique your interest. You may find the playlist here.

But I digress. My point is that earlier this month, I happened to glance at the follower count for 32 Bit Brain and was shocked to find it that it currently has 411 followers, around triple what this blog has (and I appreciate each and every one of you!), making it my most successful creative project at this time. The reason this surprised me so much is that, until I began my monthly Xbox All Access Adventure series, I’d only post there very occasionally, and wouldn’t even put a ton of thought into the content I was creating. Hilariously, I spend much more effort on my Youtube channel, which has 10% of my gaming blog’s engagement, if we’re matching followers to subscribers. There’s probably a lesson to be learned there. Nevertheless, I’m going to try and make two blog posts a month over there from now on, so feel free to give that blog a look if it interests you. I recently wrote about my childhood games on the Playstation 1, and plan to continue writing about the games I played on later systems over the coming months.

This also prompted me to consider how I talk about videogames on this blog, and in the context of life in general. The depth of my love of videogames is enough that I think I can safely call it a lifestyle, more than a hobby, but outside of game-related discussions I always treat that aspect of myself as something that isn’t worth talking about. The easiest example I can compare it to is that people often mention in their blog posts about which movies they’ve gone to see, not as a main topic but as a sidenote, as part of their everyday life. In contrast, I only mention that I’ve “been gaming” if someone asks me what I did with my time off or my weekend, usually by way of demonstrating that I “don’t get up to much”. That should change! I should share my passion with people. And I do, with some, but only if we have a love of gaming in common. I should open up more to people, albeit without monologuing about something they aren’t all that interested in. And in regards to this blog, I should feel less guilty when discussing it as part of what I’ve been up to this month, though this isn’t about to turn into a gaming blog, I assure you.

So anyways, that’s that. Other things I’ve done this month include becoming heavily invested in the MMO Final Fantasy XIV, getting my traditionally overdue haircut, seeing family for the first time in months from the safety of back garden visits, writing a poem that will likely never see the light of day, finishing the first book in the Wheel of Time series and enjoying the second volume of the Cirque du Freak manga omnibus edition. Oh, and I fished out my old Top Trumps cards to have a gander, because why the heck not.

See you next month!

2020 – What A Year It’s Been…

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I walk into the break room at work. They’re reporting today’s death count on the news, adding it to the total. Over 60,000 dead so far. Somebody scoffs. “They better not think about doing another lockdown.” Someone replies: “I’m not changing my Christmas.”

2020 sucked.

I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a year defined by death, division, selfishness and anxiety. It was not a fun one to live through. And while 2021 is only hours away, 2020’s problems persist; the hope brought by vaccinations has been swiftly quelled by outbreaks of new strains of the virus, apparently easier to transmit than before. But vaccinations are nevertheless on the horizon, so 2021 should at least look better in retrospective than 2020. The age of lockdowns, working from home, zoom calls, masks, life being put on hold and fear shortening everyone’s tempers is hopefully coming to an end. I just wish we could put it behind us as easily as I’m able to put a full stop at the end of this paragraph to move on.

Good things happened too.

Personally for me, I’ve spent this year re-evaluating important moments of my life and how I dealt with them. For years on end, I’ve had this disconnect with my emotions, to the point where if I felt upset about something I’d subsequently punish myself for being overly dramatic or attention seeking. I’ve spent this year forgiving my reactions and emotional states of being. It’s hard to explain exactly, but it’s been hugely liberating to simply accept myself, and to recognise certain mental behaviours in myself and the causes of them. I’d go so far as to say that this kind of self-evaluation paid off later in the year when my cat passed away. In previous years, I may have been cruel to myself about the extent to which I was grieving over a cat, but this time I was able to recognise how important it was to grieve in such a way, and as a result dealt with the situation in a far healthier manner. I wasn’t just “grieving over a cat”, I was lamenting the loss of Coral, my closest companion for many years.

Man. When one of the highlights of your year is “taught myself not to hate myself over being sad”, you know it’s been a good one.

You may notice that this year’s retrospective has kind of replaced December’s monthly update, and if I’m being honest, it’s because there’s not really much to tell about December that can’t also be summarised by the discussion of this year as a whole. As I mentioned earlier, Christmas was strained for a lot of people. I had a good one, but my heart goes out to many of my friends who were unable to see their families over the holiday period. I alluded earlier to my distaste of those refusing to alter their Christmas plans, but I truly do agree that the entire situation sucked. My ire is more directed to the selfish nature of “I’m not changing my ways” which has led to the current state of the country as it is now, with the help of some truly incompetent politicians right at the top. You know, the ones who paid people to go out and eat at restaurants and then blamed the subsequent spike in Covid cases on partying teenagers. Those politicians.

Before we get out of full 2020 hindsight mode (yes yes ha ha), allow me to air one last grievance: marketing. “2020 has sucked, so buy yourself something nice!” “With the way this year has gone, don’t you need to feel better about yourself? Buy a new car!” “2020 has been truly awful. That’s why it’s time for TOOTHPASTE!” I exaggerate of course, but there have been so many advertisements which try to sell you on products by invoking the pandemic, and it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. I know that the cold, heartless truth of the situation is that companies are struggling right now and therefore can’t afford to consider the ethics of leveraging consumers’ pandemic-depression to make money, but fuck man, I’ve seen like, nobody talking about this. And it really grinds my goddamn gears.

My new year’s resolution is to get off this goddamn planet.

My new year’s resolution is twofold: Firstly, to find the courage within myself to continue to move forwards through life, and secondly, to respect my limitations and remain mindful of my mental wellbeing. Striking the balance between these two things is a monumental task, but stagnating and living in a rut will only lead me down the path of ruin.

Anyways, sorry if this post was a little shorter than usual! I just don’t particularly enjoy discussing 2020 as a year. 2021 shall be better.

September: A Month of Impossible Decisions

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Content Warning: Pet death

Those of you who have never owned a pet may not understand why, to some people, losing one is akin to losing a family member. And I’ll admit, it certainly depends on the pet; I’ve always had animals around me in life, and while I loved them all, some departures hit harder than others. Circumstances certainly vary.

Coral was my cat. She was also my best friend. She practically lived in my room during her later years. Sadly, after many gradually declining health problems, we had to make the impossible decision earlier this month to take her to the vets and help her to her sleep. Reaching that decision and coming to grips with life without her has been one of the most difficult challenges I’ve encountered. But at the end, I was there for her, it was peaceful, and it was the right thing to do.

It’s been a pretty sad month! But no matter how sad I’ve been these last few weeks, it doesn’t come close to overshadowing the many years of love and happiness this cat gave us. Given that this monthly blog series is a part of The Tombstone Project, which is all about immortalising (or as close to it) life memories in writing, I’m going to dedicate this month to telling you my favourite things about Coral.

As a kitten, she had extreme zooms. It was legitimately difficult to follow her with the naked eye if she was bounding around a room at top speed, as she often was. She was also – not to speak ill of the departed – a constant thorn in her older brother’s side. She wouldn’t leave him alone!

She was only a few years old when she returned from some outdoor escapades and gifted us – after some time – with four different breeds of kitten! (Ruh roh, we made sure that didn’t happen again.) One was ginger – Garfield – one was tabby – Theo – one was tortoiseshell – Willow – and one was black and white, Moomin. They all found loving homes, the last of which was with us!

As she grew older and the house got less… crowded with animals, she began to mellow out. While she always loved playing with toys, she also began to give some amazing hugs. Legitimately, if you picked her up, she would often wrap you in a full body hug. As in, she would be the one squeezing. She would also climb under my covers and sleep next to me for entire nights at a time, resulting in many cosy nights.

Well, anyway. Fortunately I took a ton of pictures and videos of this kitty over the years. Here’s a couple of those for you to get a sense of her, if you were unfamiliar.

You can doubtless find more if you head to Twitter and search for tweets from the account Kritigri with words including “Coral”, “catposting”, “kitty”, that kind of thing.

In other, less heartbreaking news

I have pre-ordered an Xbox Series S! If you’d like to learn more about the decisions that led to my first ever Xbox console acquisition, or the titles I’m excited to play, check out my gaming blog.

I’ve also spent this month getting nostalgic about the Playstation 1, enjoying the Super Mario 3D All-Stars Collection, continuing the hype train that is the lead-up to the next World of Warcraft expansion, and other things designed to distract my brain!

Next month will be less sad.

My Current Creative Projects

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Okay, so this is partially a post to consolidate all of my ongoing creative projects into one handy place, and partially me patting myself on the back. But I figure that while this stuff is all well ordered in my mind, it might be nice to put it all in one place for all to see. Who knows, you might just discover something new about me.

Youtube Videos

I am on Youtube under the name of Kritigri, and I quite consistently upload three gaming-based videos a week. Would you believe me if I said I didn’t plan it this way? I have the one weekly video series but the other two weekly uploads just tended to fall in place by themselves. It was only when I noticed the pleasant symmetry of video thumbnails on my page that I decided to try and make it a constant in my life.

The Weekly Waypoint

Previously named The Weekly Deathmatch, this is my weekly video series where I ramble about whatever I please, though it’s almost always related to gaming, or whatever fictional media I’ve consumed that week. These videos typically aim for the ten minute mark, and are made up of pre-recorded gameplay and post-gameplay commentary. Tomorrow we hit episode 120, meaning I’ve been at this for well over two years, with no intention of stopping anytime soon.

Edited Gameplay Compilations

Basically, the videos with yellow text in their thumbnails. These make up two thirds of my weekly video content, and are compilations of bitesize clips taken from games I’ve been playing. This all began some years ago when I discovered the DVR function built into Windows 10 which allowed me to save the previous thirty seconds of gameplay at the push of a button. I started a separate (now repurposed) Youtube channel to dump these on, but soon began experimenting with editing these videos together, trimming off the seconds of silence and making them around 5-10 minutes in length. Given the extra effort and care, I moved these videos to my main channel.

Twitch VODs

The aforementioned repurposed Youtube channel is now home to on-demand versions of my Twitch streams, as well as highlights taken from said streams to be consumed in a more bitesize format.

Twitch Streaming

Okay, so this isn’t so much of a constant in my life as my Youtube videos are; the only schedule I have regarding streams is on a Monday, when I stream the live recording of my podcast with my friend Reece (more on that later). My spontaneous streams, though, which can occur anywhere between five times a week to once every five months, are of whatever games I feel like playing. Sometimes it’ll be a live service style game or an MMO like World of Warcraft, where I can hang out without the pressure of completing some arbitrary objective. When I do want to punish myself, however, I’ll start up a full playthrough of a game like LEGO Star Wars, which is a bad example given that it’s the only one I’ve ever finished.

Podcasting

This is a very new and recent occurrence. After many years of consuming podcasts while commuting or grinding out some achievement in a videogame, I’ve finally decided to start dipping my toe into the podcasting business myself, and so far, I’m having a wonderful time.

Pictures Without Pictures

Here’s the weekly livestreamed podcast I mentioned. The basic premise is that I don’t watch a lot of movies, but my friend Reece totally does! So every week we pick a movie, watch it through and convene on Monday evening to discuss our thoughts on it. Episodes are typically an hour to an hour and a half long and you can find it on proper podcasting apps like Spotify, and Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts! It’s well exciting. Out of all my projects, this is the one I’d be most thrilled for you to check out right now. Next week we’re discussing Jurassic Park…

Kritigri FM

Ah, okay, so, bit of a cheat, this one. I’m essentially using a podcast feed to upload audio versions of these very blog posts, once I get around to finishing up my monthly series. I also record audio versions of my gaming blog posts (featured below if you’re unaware), and the occasional podlet-exclusive candid review of a show, or a game that I’ve recently played, or, erm, the concept of achievements! It’s a bit of a grab bag, but don’t blame me, blame Anchor for not allowing multiple podcasts per account (though otherwise it’s a godsend of a service).

But I hear you asking… why bother with audio versions of these blog posts? Well, besides accessibility, I just think people are more likely to listen to a 3-6 minute audio version of a blog post than to read the 1000 words contained within. Plus, there’s bloopers, and they’re well fun. Also, it’s neat to practice my voice for future potential projects. And it’s weirdly satisfying to do!

Blogging

Ah. This is as close as we’ll get to a “writing” subheading for now, I’m afraid, but hey, it counts in my book. Hah, get it? Book? Totally an intentional pun that I didn’t just catch on the read-through.

Perpetually Perturbed

bloggerooooo

Click here to- wait, no, you’re already here

Well, you’re already here, aren’t you, so I don’t have a huge amount to teach you here. You’ll already know about my monthly blog post series, which is autobiographical in nature and tends to discuss mental health, the state of the world, and my miscellaneous musings. You’ll possibly know also that this is a part of The Tombstone Project, my lifelong memoirs (god I hate that term) which intend to preserve some semblance of my personality long after I’m dead, if anybody cares to read them. Self-absorbed? Potentially. Morbid? Absolutely! But it gives me some peace of mind.

I’ve also recently re-committed to reading actual frickin’ books, and will attempt to review them as I go. You can already read my latest review, the newest WoW novel by Madeleine Roux, here. I’m currently working my way through Star Wars: Thrawn, but despite an interesting first third of the book, I’m finding the second third to be a bit of a slog.

32 Bit Brain

Did you know that I have a sister blog? It’s all about videogames, which, you may have noticed, are a bit of a running theme in my life. But if I love gaming so much, I may as well write about it, and while I don’t have any concrete weekly or monthly blog posts publishing over there, I have been experimenting with some new series, one documenting a journey to collect achievements, the other a retrospective of my oldest gaming memories. I may need to work on those titles, though.

I’ve also decided to start reviewing games that I’m finished playing, much in the same vein as I review books. You can find the first of these reviews right here.

What Else?

What, that’s not enough for you? Greedy…

I mean, there are smaller things which I don’t count as productive but I enjoy working towards as a larger task. Completing certain game series, and their achievements. Expanding my knowledge of history with podcasts. Educating myself on movies, which is what drove me to start Pictures Without Pictures in the first place. And there’s always actual, physical work which I attend five nights a week, if you want to be thorough about it. That’s certainly not productive, though. Reductive, maybe.

Thank you for taking the time to look at my creative projects, though. I’d be thrilled if you gave these a try, but if not, I’m chuffed you took time out of your day to give it a gander. Follow me on Twitter at @Kritigri for a glimpse at future projects when they arise.

The Tombstone Project and Monthly Updates

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Hello there! Me again. Been some time, eh? Sorry about that. I have a six-month project going live at the start of next year to make up for it, though, so be on the lookout for that.

That’s in the past (well, future) though. Today I’m here to talk about The Tombstone Project! It’s a potentially megalomaniacal project that will, if successful, span the rest of my entire life. Basically, memoirs, but also, I’m including every self-centric piece of writing I’ve published over the years and putting them into this project too. As I write it’s currently over 64,000 words long and spans over 100 pages, but that sounds far more impressive before you consider the fact that this post is the first piece of original Tombstone Project writing to be included.

So, why am I doing this? Well, fear not, I’m not going to drop dead any time soon. I hope. But for some time now I’ve felt that everyday life, when captured, becomes more interesting further down the line; the mundane is transformed into something precious, a gateway to a past no longer tangible, more reliable than memory and more revealing than aged knowledge. And when I finally do pop my clogs at the age of 97, assuming that I haven’t achieved immortality by that point, it’d be nice to leave people with something to leaf through, not just to learn about me but to experience the average person’s experience living through these years, as we did. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to read a book about my father’s life story, about stories too painful to re-tell or times otherwise forgotten.

And besides, writing lasts so much longer than the life of those who penned it.

Of course, I wouldn’t expect anyone to read the entire thing. I may go back through it and edit out some of the more boring or irrelevant posts, some other time. For now, though… I’ve spent this week reading through 13 year old Kristian’s random and bizarre ramblings, to 22 year old Kristian’s depressing and somewhat cynical rants about the nature of lost motivation and being yet another brick in the wall. I am, somewhat understandably, sick to the pits of myself! But I also learned rather a lot in the process, so it wasn’t entirely an unhealthy exercise.

I learned that I have more in common with my teenage self than I remembered. I learned that despite believing in optimism, my thought processes wavered towards cynicism more often than I noticed, even within my own writing. I discovered that despite having a blog with my name attached to it for six years, I’ve written remarkably little about myself due to some aversion to publicly autobiographical writing. I’ve learned that I repeated the same discoveries about motivations and writing once every two years; that I am a person who is entirely too frustrated by the nature of things they cannot change, and that apparently, I had something against poets? Most importantly, I realised that the slump I entered post-uni was far deeper than I had realised, and that my mind was far darker than I would admit to myself. I’ve since found meaning in creative projects and everyday life, and whilst my lack of purpose is still an issue, I’m far less hollow as a person for it.

Monthly updates, then, are my plan to add to the Tombstone Project going forward. That way, I figure, I won’t be adding too much writing, and it should have a little substance to it. Crucially, I’m not going to force myself to write a monthly update if I can’t think of anything to write for it. But, most relevantly to you, dear reader, I will be posting these monthly updates here on Perpetually Perturbed, starting with this month. These posts should be slightly more autobiographical and less topical in nature, to fit in line with my Project Tombstone ambitions.

So check back soon!

My Creative Resurgence

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Ever since graduating from university, I’ve found myself less motivated to create – whether it be fictional stories, nonfictional blog posts, or other means of creativity I’ve often enjoyed such as making videos on Youtube. I could never quite put my finger on what killed my motivation, and I’m still not entirely too sure what happened now, but in the last few months I’ve been stoking the fires of my creativity once more, and while I’ve not exactly been writing short stories or plotting a novel, I have been busy nonetheless.

World of Warcraft Character Backstories

Inspired after reading through all three volumes of World of Warcraft: Chronicle, a book series documenting the lore of the popular MMO’s expansive world, I took a look at my own growing roster of characters within the game and decided to document their own stories. For some of them, these are stories that I’ve had in my mind from the second I created them; for others, I had to consider them as an individual within the world for the very first time. I set myself some rules: I wouldn’t interfere with the game’s pre-existing characters or plots, and I wouldn’t make any of my characters out to be more important than any other “adventurer” within the game’s lore. These were the stories of characters who had been influenced by the world, rather than influencing it themselves.

Both volumes can be found on my gaming blog, and I’m not far from completing my third, with a fourth to come after that. Alternatively, you can just follow the links below:

Volume 1: The Night Elf Brothers

Volume 2: Sisters of Light and Shadow

Livestreaming

Surprise! I have an entire online persona that you’ve possibly never heard of.

When I created this blog, I did so with the knowledge that I’d be linking it to my Facebook and sharing my writing processes. I was using my name in the title of the blog. Therefore, I sought to remove it – as I did my Facebook – from the rest of my online profiles, although when I made my gaming blog you could probably follow the links from here to there. I essentially tried to segment my personality into two halves: Kristian, the aspiring author with an arts degree who’s contemplative of life, and Kritigri, a gaming enthusiast who uploads his gameplay with comedic commentary. In recent times, however, I’ve learned that without both halves to balance the other out, the first becomes pretentious whilst the second is somewhat hollow.

My livestreaming, then, is a fairly new project that I’ve very recently doubled down on. I’ve decided that I need to choose a game to be my main streaming subject, and as you could probably tell from earlier in this blog post, World of Warcraft is a game that I know almost as well as my own life. I do stream other games occassionally, too, but I’ve recently begun a WoW livestream playthrough which I’ve called “Story Mode”, in which I level a character from scratch and pay attention to the stories of each zone, discussing the lore as I go.

I still don’t have a streaming schedule that’s set in stone, but I try to stream at least once a week (typically more so), and if you’re interested you can follow my channel and recieve notifications when I go live. If you miss a stream, the project below has you covered. I have a decent microphone (but no webcam) and try to stream for no less than an hour each time, and have Twitch chat on my phone so I can monitor any messages I get.

Here is my Livestreaming channel.

Youtube Videos

I’ve been making videos on Youtube for about a decade now, with various gaps of disinterest along the way. At my peak, I reached a whopping 600 subscribers. It’s safe to say that I do it for fun.

My channel consists of three parts: It’s one part Twitch VODS (archives of my livestreams), one part gaming videos and one part vlogs.

As far as gameplay capture goes, I run a series called The Daily Rogue, in which I play a roguelike (that is, a game genre where you typically have one life to delve as far into a dungeon as you can) until I die, and I can’t start over for the rest of the day – hence, ‘Daily’. In these videos I normally ramble about whatever is on my mind at the time. I’ve also started a series called The Weekly Deathmatch, which is weekly in the more traditional sense of coming out once a week, every week. In these videos, I record the commentary after I’ve recorded the video, so that I can actually focus on not dying every 5 seconds and losing my train of thought. These videos are also a backdrop for various ramblings, though these ramblings are typically more focused on a particular subject that I’ve decided on before the video begins.

My Bitesize Vlogs are short (5-10 mins), edited videos that document a day or particular outing in my life. This is obviously more of a personality-based genre of content, and is focused on my interactions with life as opposed to videogames, so this may be of interest to you if the rest is not. These vlogs began when I got my Google Pixel 2, and realised that I couldn’t waste such a good camera by not using it. I’ve also experimented with vlogs in my teens, so you’ll find I’m not entirely inexperienced with making them.

Here’s my Youtube channel

The Daily Rogue Playlist

The Weekly Deathmatch Playlist

Bitesize Vlogs Playlist

Miscellaneous Edited Videos

Gameplay DVR Archive

Within the last few years, the ability to capture the last X seconds of gameplay in video form became possible, and I love it. I retrofitted my original Youtube channel (the one that hit 600 subs) as an archive for my gameplay clips, and I upload them in bulk. I schedule them to go public three days a week – Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays, though I currently have an extra one releasing on Mondays. This channel mostly exists as an archive for my own amusement, but one day I decided to organise the channel a bit and make playlists for each game. I also curated a ‘Best Of’ playlist, so you can get the gist of what to expect if you wish to subscribe to the channel.

Currently I have videos scheduled up to September, so if I die suddenly in a horrific walking accident, you’ll be hearing from me posthumously for a few months to come. Isn’t that a lovely thought?

My Public Archive Channel

Browse by Game

Best Of Playlist

And That’s That

Please bear in mind that I’m juggling all this between two jobs and leisure time™, so a few things are bound to drop or change over the coming months. I just felt like writing this blog post to update everyone on what I’ve been up to!

I’ll get around to writing that book eventually.

One day.

Oh god.
Help me.