February 2021 – A Month of Fatigue

When I logged in to start writing today’s blog post I was informed that it was my seven year WordPress anniversary, and given that I created this blog at university as part of a writing project there, I did what any well put-together adult would do: I mentally crumbled and had an existential crisis about the passage of time. Because, I mean, seriously. 2014 was seven years ago?! That’s not allowed! That’s illegal! Stop that at once! I haven’t grown enough as a person since then for seven years to have passed! Aaaaaa!

But anyways, we’re here to talk about my February. My hilariously empty February. What happened to me in Februrary? I scream, for I do not know.

The optimism I had in January slowly slipped away as more and more news came out about how long the vaccination process will take, the restrictions that we’ll still need to adhere to post-vaccination, and the government’s subsequent ignoring of most health official advice. Don’t come at me about politics either, I don’t even know the details because they’re too depressing to keep up with. All I know is that I walked into a room with a TV on a week or so ago and heard Boris Johnson talking about school re-openings and “unavoidable deaths” in the same breath. That light at the end of the tunnel may be farther away than I initially had hoped.

I’m not completely down in the dumps, though. We’re closer to the end than we are to the start, and throughout this entire thing I’ve been relatively successful in staying positive by not thinking too far ahead. When I think of the months ahead I’m not thinking about continued isolation and arguments about what risks we should be taking, I’m thinking of videogame releases and upcoming shows, and how we’re finally starting to see sunny warm spells outside, which are not to be underestimated in how effective of a mood-booster they are to me right now. I’m continuing to only leave the house for work and necessities whether the government lifts lockdown or not, as I have been this entire time, with the knowledge that in another time, in another place, this will all be a distant dark memory. I hope that anybody who is reading this is able to find some similar comfort in that.

As far as what I’ve been up to… well, I have a stumble I need to address. In early February I got very excited about the prospect of applying my creative philosophies on video series and blog posts onto fiction writing, in an effort to get me writing more. In that vein, I launched a new blog named Have It In By Friday, the core idea behind it being that I’m to publish a new short story every fortnight. But after my first story, which I’m very pleased with and put together in about two days, I went on to miss the second deadline, and we’re now less than a week out from the third and I have little to show for it. The easy conclusion to jump to here is that forcing deadlines on myself isn’t a strategy that’s going to work, but if I’m honest, I’m not sure how to get myself writing otherwise, as I’ve produced very few short stories in the years since I finished uni. Waiting for motivation to come to me isn’t the right answer, because it’s unreliable and either abandons me for months or strikes at times when I can’t write, such as during work or when I need to sleep. It’s a very frustrating problem, but it’s not one I’m going to give up on trying to solve.

I sometimes wonder if I’m trying to juggle too many creative projects at once. Besides the two monthly blog posts I do, one at the end of the month here and one on the 10th at my sister blog, I also create a weekly gameplay video series that I’m 148 consecutive weeks into. Outside of time specific content, I typically make two more videos per week for my channel, either gameplay highlights or commentaries on books or shows I’ve been reading or watching. I love doing all of this, but fitting a fortnightly short story around that schedule has proven difficult, and as an aspiring author I feel like I’m betraying myself by refusing to make room for it. It’s something I’m still grappling with, but perhaps I’ll have the answer by the next monthly update.

Beyond my creative endeavours, I spent February taking a hard left from my obsession with Elder Scrolls Online on Xbox to an obsession with my new Ironman account on Runescape. I also enjoyed reading through the first omnibus volume of the Cirque du Freak manga, started to care about Nintendo consoles again thanks to some actual Nintendo news, and enjoyed Blizzard’s BlizzConline event more than I thought I would.

If it sounds like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel for the “in other news” part of this blog post, that’d be because February was sparser than a parsnip basket in winter. See you on the other side of March!

January 2021 – Light at the End of the Tunnel

2021 is here, and with it, all of 2020’s baggage because time is a human construct and events don’t cease for arbitrary milestones. Except for man-made events, like the inauguration of President Joe Biden and, more importantly, the end of Trump’s wannabe tyranny. It wasn’t clean, and it certainly wasn’t pleasant; the fascist’s parting gift was to incite an angry mob to overrun their capitol building, taking innocent lives in the process. President Biden certainly has a divided country to contend with. That being said, though, I’ve never seen a politician (besides perhaps Obama) with an outlook on life that’s more promising or full of hope. I suppose the thing that remains to be seen is whether he and his administration can manifest those ideals into tangible change. Personally, I believe in Biden. And that’s an incredibly refreshing feeling.

But that’s America. That’s a country all the way on the other side of the world. Things here in the UK aren’t as promising. Our death toll continues to rise and our leadership continues to apologise, look pitiful and then continue to make the same mistakes which directly results in more death. Infuriatingly, all it took was for Boris Johnson to bow his head in shame for many people that I know to suddenly feel sorry for him. Nah. Where I’m from, apologies don’t mean anything unless you actually pledge to change your behaviour and not repeat your mistakes. In fact, I’m pretty sure that apologising and looking pitiful only to continue your abhorrent behaviour is a common manipulation tactic. Schools won’t be any safer just because Boris is sad.

Okay, sorry. Political segment over. But if these monthly posts are to document my life as it happens, then the state of the world directly affects that, no?

Personally, this month – I’m going to be 100% honest with you, a lot of it has been me replaying a bunch of storylines in The Elder Scrolls Online for Xbox, as you can’t transfer saves from PC. And I’m loving every second of it. For more on what I’ve been playing on Xbox, visit my sister blog.

Other than that, though, I finally bit the bullet and subscribed to Audible so that I could listen through the Wheel of Time series. I’m a big lover of fantasy fiction, and the only thing that’s stopped me from reading that series until now is the price of all the books together. I’m fussy; I never want to have to wait to continue a series that I know is fully released. That, and I’m worried that I’d forget important details between book acquisitions.

The thinking behind getting an Audible subscription is having more time to read, as I’ll be able to do so while walking to work, a not-insubstantial commute. In the same vein, last year I often found myself watching Youtube on my phone before falling asleep, which is the time I once reserved for reading; now, I’m reading at night once again on top of listening to audiobooks. My nightly reading is currently reserved for re-reading The Saga of Darren Shan… again… but this time for the purpose of talking about it in my new video series, which you can find right here. I’ll also be discussing the Wheel of Time novels as I go through them, and whatever comes after.

So yes, my life is as introverted as ever. I’m at the start of a week off and I fully intend to spend it gaming, reading, writing, recording and editing. The ongoing pandemic doesn’t leave me much of a choice outside of this, but again, besides the occasional meetup with friends this is probably what I’d be up to anyway. Regarding the pandemic, though, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There’s vaccinations, and while they’re not being rolled out to the general public just yet, you’d better believe I’ll be in line as soon as possible. It’s been a harrowing 10 months, and there’s a few more to go yet, but when we’re all vaccinated and it’s safe to go out again, I’ll be making efforts to see friends more often. I’m not suddenly going to become an extrovert, and I’m not going to beat myself up for who I am, but if this past year has taught me anything it’s not to take social occasions for granted.

And that tyrants are ephemeral.

November – A Month of Good Things

Yes, you read that right – good things! Relatively speaking, anyway. I know a lot of horrible stuff probably still happened somewhere to somebody. But for me, November was a much needed break from the eldritch horror of tentacles and words without vowels that has been 2020.

Let’s get the main one out of the way: The people of the United States of America have voted for Joe Biden over Donald Trump as their next President!! And yes, it shouldn’t have been that close, and yes, there are some very legitimate concerns about Trump not wanting to surrender the White House, but let’s put that aside for a second and talk about how for many years now, it’s felt like evil rules the world. Men with thoughts of money and power have ascended to the coveted seat of world leader and divided the common people with carefully rehearsed lies or incompetent blundering. I remember some time ago feeling optimistic about humankind embracing modern perspectives, but these last few years have seen so much regression on that front that it breaks my heart. So much more hate crime, so much more fearmongering and division and cruelty. So much infuriating political rhetoric about non-political matters.

I watched the election through the gaps between my fingers as the frightening first numbers came in. Memories of countless elections past returned, that feeling of hopelessness as thousands of disadvantaged people voted for the government that impoverished them due to some loud or silver-tongued individual selling them lies. It’s a bloody familiar feeling at this point. (Seriously. Fuck the Tories.) But as the hours and days passed, as the postal votes came in, hope began to take root, and my not-so-great overtime shift at work turned into one of the best shifts ever when the news finally broke that Biden had won. No matter the numbers – which are less depressing too when you look at the stats of individual votes – hope and love and knowledge had finally won, in one of the most influential places in the world. Because, like it or not, whatever the United States do, the United Kingdom seems to follow, be it war, preference of politicians, or fast food chains.

But that’s not all! Don’t take this blog post as a source scientific information because I am absolutely not an expert, but by the looks of things a vaccination for Covid is on the way! And it has like 90-95% effectiveness! That’s so good! This long nightmare may finally be over soon, though I hasten to add that while we’re all excited about the removal of restrictions to our lives, this pandemic will never leave those who have lost loved ones to the virus. Plus, the way we’ve collectively handled this virus – at least in the UK and the US – should serve as a massive red flag as to our effectiveness to tackle global issues that threaten our very lives. Disinformation, politicisation of preventative measures and general idiocy has cost us irreversibly.

Good things, though – this post is about good things! Well, personally, it’s been an absolutely fantastic time to have the hobbies that I do. Firstly, on the general gaming side of things, the new consoles launched and for the first time ever I got one on launch day! I’m doing the £20 a month for 2 years thing with my Xbox Series S & Game Pass Ultimate, and so far I’m having a grand old time. For more on that, head to my sister blog where I’ll be discussing my first month with Xbox in detail on December 10th. Furthermore, on the slightly more niche side of my hobby, the latest World of Warcraft expansion just released, and it’s absolutely fantastic. I’ve been playing since 2014 and I’ve never felt so invested in the game’s world and story.

2020 has been pretty fucking awful, but November for me was a much needed reminder that good things can and do happen, and hobbies can shine outside of just being a necessary escape. Here’s hoping November was a portent of things to come.

September: A Month of Impossible Decisions

Content Warning: Pet death

Those of you who have never owned a pet may not understand why, to some people, losing one is akin to losing a family member. And I’ll admit, it certainly depends on the pet; I’ve always had animals around me in life, and while I loved them all, some departures hit harder than others. Circumstances certainly vary.

Coral was my cat. She was also my best friend. She practically lived in my room during her later years. Sadly, after many gradually declining health problems, we had to make the impossible decision earlier this month to take her to the vets and help her to her sleep. Reaching that decision and coming to grips with life without her has been one of the most difficult challenges I’ve encountered. But at the end, I was there for her, it was peaceful, and it was the right thing to do.

It’s been a pretty sad month! But no matter how sad I’ve been these last few weeks, it doesn’t come close to overshadowing the many years of love and happiness this cat gave us. Given that this monthly blog series is a part of The Tombstone Project, which is all about immortalising (or as close to it) life memories in writing, I’m going to dedicate this month to telling you my favourite things about Coral.

As a kitten, she had extreme zooms. It was legitimately difficult to follow her with the naked eye if she was bounding around a room at top speed, as she often was. She was also – not to speak ill of the departed – a constant thorn in her older brother’s side. She wouldn’t leave him alone!

She was only a few years old when she returned from some outdoor escapades and gifted us – after some time – with four different breeds of kitten! (Ruh roh, we made sure that didn’t happen again.) One was ginger – Garfield – one was tabby – Theo – one was tortoiseshell – Willow – and one was black and white, Moomin. They all found loving homes, the last of which was with us!

As she grew older and the house got less… crowded with animals, she began to mellow out. While she always loved playing with toys, she also began to give some amazing hugs. Legitimately, if you picked her up, she would often wrap you in a full body hug. As in, she would be the one squeezing. She would also climb under my covers and sleep next to me for entire nights at a time, resulting in many cosy nights.

Well, anyway. Fortunately I took a ton of pictures and videos of this kitty over the years. Here’s a couple of those for you to get a sense of her, if you were unfamiliar.

You can doubtless find more if you head to Twitter and search for tweets from the account Kritigri with words including “Coral”, “catposting”, “kitty”, that kind of thing.

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In other, less heartbreaking news

I have pre-ordered an Xbox Series S! If you’d like to learn more about the decisions that led to my first ever Xbox console acquisition, or the titles I’m excited to play, check out my gaming blog.

I’ve also spent this month getting nostalgic about the Playstation 1, enjoying the Super Mario 3D All-Stars Collection, continuing the hype train that is the lead-up to the next World of Warcraft expansion, and other things designed to distract my brain!

Next month will be less sad.

August – A Month of Changing Winds

This month I gave The Tombstone Project some love; both to the project itself, and the actual Word file. Firstly, I went back and dug up some old poetry from my teenage years, some of which turned out to be surprisingly decent, especially given what I thought about it at the time. Secondly, I began writing more “journal” style entries specifically for the project, talking more personally about my life with the freedom of not having it made public until after I’ve, y’know, snuffed it. This doesn’t mean I’ve immediately begun spilling everything that goes on in my brain onto the page – people I know will still be reading this, after all – but so far, irregular, personal updates have provided me assurance that my autobiographical works aren’t entirely made up of phrases like “I can’t go into specifics”, or otherwise silent omissions of importance.

As for the Word file, well, I added page breaks after each entry. I won’t bore you with the specifics but it was a pretty unorganised mess before this. Anyway, now that I’ve done that, we’re sitting at 450 pages, although that’s at paperback size because I don’t know how to change it back. No, seriously, I am stumped, and not even Google is helping. It sounds like a simple problem but it’s not, okay? I’m good with writing and I’m good with software but apparently I am not good with writing software. Add it to the list of life’s great ironies.

Am I rambling about inane nothings? Sorry. I have plenty that I could talk about in terms of what’s happened to me this month, but at the time of writing, that’d fall under the “silent omissions of importance” I mentioned earlier. I won’t give a vague impression of what I’m omitting, either, because people jump to all sorts of incorrect conclusions. Instead, I’m just going to apologise for the low word count this month and jump straight towards the section where I ramble about my hobbies for a paragraph or two.

I took a bit of a left turn and streamed for 10 days in a row, after having not livestreamed anything for a few months now. The reason? World of Warcraft! We’re ramping up to the release of the new expansion, and anyone who knows me knows what the game means to me. I’m beyond in love with the world, characters, and gameplay of that universe, and I’m super excited about where the next expansion, Shadowlands is taking us: the afterlife. As you may be able to surmise by the existence of this project, I spend a lot of time thinking about death, and while that’s usually in more of a serious, existential way, I also thoroughly enjoy fantastical stories which explore what happens to use when we die.

Besides that, though, I’ve also enjoyed Gamescom this month (not least for the animated WoW short it premiered), dabbled in poetry, delved into the book Mythos by Stephen Fry in the hopes of better understanding Greek Mythology, and took a breath to appreciate the changing of seasons. Much of this month was spent in a sweltering heatwave, but in recent days the heat has broken and the coolness of autumn has taken its place. This time of year always makes me nostalgic and introspective, reminding me of starting school, or university, of taking comfort in certain fictional worlds; of rare quiet moments where I’ve sat and appreciated the breeze, the waning sun, the distant sounds of life in various gardens and roads.

There can be no perfect afterlife. It would always be autumn, but the winds of autumn are appreciated for their heralding of change, and perfection demands stasis, lest it be imperfect for its ephemeral nature.

It’s been quite a month.

July – A Month of Honing My True North

Last month I mentioned a small breakthrough I had in regards to having faith in my own opinions. This month I found myself putting this faith to the test by confronting my boss about the pre-emptive scaling back of social distancing measures at my workplace. Now, naturally I shouldn’t go into detail publicly, but the long and short of it is that I failed to make a difference. That being said, my conscience is a lot cleaner for me having tried, though my blood pressure may be a little higher for it.

It’s a balance. Towards the first half of this month I was proud of myself for standing up for my values, on multiple occasions, but as July dragged on I found myself becoming standoffish about smaller things – phrasing, edgy humour, the mere suggestion of not questioning the news – and while these things are important to keep in mind, I’m also not going to win anyone to my point of view by pitching a fit about what they see as part of everyday life. I think, going forward, I need to consolidate my newfound efforts to drive change with patience to be effective.

I, along with many others I’m sure, found that what I considered to be the true north on my moral compass was unsatisfactory after the events of May 25th. As my Twitter feed filled with everything from peaceful protests to calls for blood, I, a self-proclaimed pacifist, didn’t know where to stand, because here in front of me was direct evidence that words alone did not always prevail. Core to my values was that anger should not drive reaction, but here I was agreeing with many of those I saw. My belief in right and wrong was shaken, and if I’m being perfectly honest, it still is. Doesn’t matter. This isn’t about another white guy’s feelings. What’s important is that what I took away from this is that inaction is as good as condoning injustice, and alongside my growing confidence in my own opinions, I’m using that as a motivator to speak out against things that are wrong, even if it leads to dreaded confrontation.

On the off chance future Kristian is reading this, here’s something I hope to never stop reminding myself: learning never stops.

In other news this month, I’ve started a creative project I’ve been wanting to get to for years – I’ve started my very own podcast! Pictures Without Pictures, which you can find on such fancy places as Spotify and Apple Podcasts (not hard to get on to but let me have this), is a podcast where me and my fantastic friend Reece discuss movies I’ve likely never seen and he likely has. We’ve started with Phase 1 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but we’ll be branching out to realms as-yet undecided in the weeks to come. This coming Monday is Avengers Assemble, thank you for asking, and you can catch the recording live at 5pm BST on Mondays right here. I’ve also set up another podcast feed which is on at least Spotify called Kritigri FM, and it’s where you can find audio versions of these very blog posts (soon), alongside audio versions of my gaming blog posts and the occasional 10-minute ramble. I am having a delightful time of it, and you can find the Spotify version of that feed here.

Also, the weekly Year to Year blog posts unceremoniously died. You’ll notice there’s two this month rather than the usual four-to-five. I basically lost motivation, as having to write something new about my relatively-uninteresting life each week was tough enough without the gratification of publishing them immediately to be read. I was going through a downer of a month by the looks of it, and though I did write out one more entry, it was so glum I didn’t even bother to schedule it to be posted. Probably for the best. Well, once more unto the breach, then:

A Journal Through Time #25

Ooh, and interesting tidbit in here: I quit one of my two jobs in this week’s post, and it was an important reminder that I’m in charge of my own destiny. A reminder which I need to remind myself about, still. Well, anyway, solo-job has worked out for a year now, though I do miss my old coworkers at Job #1. I used to visit them, before Covid.

A Journal Through Time #26

And my final entry is… me venting my frustration at toxic gamers making craters out of molehills, a problem which has only continued to get worse as time goes on. I mean, just look at the horrific things a select group of people said about The Last Of Us 2. It’s a little heartbreaking to see such poison at the roots of your favourite escapist hobby, especially when you know just how brilliant gaming can be for bringing people together, especially during our current world state. I wish we were any closer to hearing about the last of this (no pun intended), but we’re not, and we need to continue fighting against hatred wherever we see it.

Well… thanks for your 26 entries, Past Kristian. I suppose I should do something of a postmortem on the project, but let’s keep this short. To put it simply, I like how the premise of this blog post shook out during the 2020 half, but over the course of this year I’ve learned just how superior monthly entries are to weekly ones. They’re easier to write because there’s more to discuss in a month than a week, especially in my life. And with this tying into the Tombstone Project it doesn’t necessarily make sense to delay publication dates by a year, so we probably – though not definitely – won’t see a return of Year To Year. But hey, I’m happy I at least tried. Thank you for reading, and I hope you’ll all stick around for these monthly entries I’ve been making. I’m having a blast.

Year to Year: A Journal Through Time #22 – A Non-Post (18/6/19)

Recent headlines

World: Lives ‘destroyed by NHS eating disorder failures’ (Mental health services being neglected yet again is sadly less than shocking news.)

Gaming: Some LEGO Star Wars Fans Want More Grunting (You better believe I’m #TeamGrunting)

I’m playing: Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, Destiny 2, All things PSVR

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Friends, I have just had something wonderful: a week off! And due to this week off, I haven’t done or seen much that has caused me to reflect, consider certain things about the world, or experience anything which I can write around 700 words about. So there shall be no real journal entry this week. My apologies if this is a disappointment to anyone! Now would be a great time to remind you that I’m writing this a year in advance, so I don’t know if this has magically taken off and gained a readership that would actually be disappointed by this (unlikely), or if it’s just me coming back here each week (definitely likely). Either way, I am extending my week off to cover this journal entry. Ciao for niao!

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Further reading:

The Weekly Deathmatch #60 – Unreal Tournament 2004 – This and That

Introverted Lifestyle – My New Reality (Seeing as this is a video series I’m making about my own life, I figure it may be of some interest to readers of this journal.)

Year to Year: A Journal Through Time #17 – The Perils of Online Discourse (14/5/19)

Recent headlines

World: Jeremy Kyle: MP Calls for ITV Show to be Axed (A little tabloidy, but it’s interesting to me as I’ve had concerns in the past as to the effectiveness of counselling relationship problems by shouting at them on live TV in front of a jeering crowd.)

Gaming: Minecraft’s Anniversary Map is a Huge Interactive Colliseum (I played this game when it was in Indev! Pre-Alpha! I feel old.)

I’m Playing: World of Warcraft (Levelling a Nightborne Frost Mage while podcasting), Minecraft (I’ve discovered Bedrock Edition), LEGO Marvel Superheroes (Completed it mate)

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Yesterday saw the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones air. It was, by my estimation, a partially flawed but mostly astounding episode, with a twist which had been telegraphed throughout the entire show. It featured beautiful shots, remarkable acting, and peerless set design. According to the internet, it was apparently the biggest piece of trash to ever be excreted from an outbound sewage pipe.

I won’t dive into my critical thoughts as to why this episode was good and why people are idiots. I want to use this journal entry to explore the nature of people on the internet, and their extreme views. It seems to me that Game of Thrones has been praised to the highest heavens for most of its lifespan. The only negative opinions about it were presented in a mostly lucid manner, from what I’ve seen. But with the third and fourth episodes of season eight, the pacing and the direction of the plot turned in a manner which left a lot of people confused. A lot of criticisms were fair, but what’s also been emerging from this is people coming out in droves to declare the show as dead, or as a waste of time, or that the showrunners are intellectually challenged.

I’m going to be honest. I spent most of my evening yesterday attempting to pull myself away from social media, because this made the seethe.

Criticisms are fine. Episode five – the aforementioned penultimate episode – was a relief for me, having had many issues with episode four. All the same, though, I could see that episode five had a few holes. But never would I take to the internet to attack the creators of the show about it. People are now creating memes about these alleged morons who run a show that they’ve been following religiously from almost a decade now. Time and again, people fail to the connect to the idea that making a joke at someone else’s expense online is cruel, and reflects more about them as a person than making any sort of statement about the show they’re attempting to criticise. I blanch every time I see it. Not only that, but failing to having any opinion between “this is the best thing ever” and “this show is complete trash” is indicative of far larger issues than stem from outside of fiction. Seeing systemic, societal issues such as toxicity make its way into the community of a television show I like is incredibly disheartening, as fiction is often a way for people to escape the exact world where these issues present themselves harsher ways.

I don’t know if I’m making much sense. In a broader sense, it just feels like the world we’re living in is being overrun by the outraged, the ignorant, and the hateful, with Brexit (outright xenophobia), Trump (outright racism) and climate change (outright ignorance and misinformation) being major events in our time. It might seem strange to link these back to people not liking a TV show, but it’s the way it’s discussed and argued about which reminds me of the discourse surrounding these issues. People’s use of extremes, mockery, denial and plain stupidity is found as much in discussion of Game of Thrones now as it is in politics.

I believe that the internet is actually a force for a lot of good in our lives. Most wars come about from people having different beliefs, those beliefs are born from different cultures, and different cultures are created from a group of people living together in a particular environment. The internet transcends physical space and gives everyone a voice in which to share their perspective, letting us understand each other better and to celebrate our differences, not scorn them. I believe it’s been a major proponent in opening people’s eyes to the cruelty of prejudice, the importance of Pride, the reality of mental health. However, the biggest advantage of the internet is also its biggest detriment. If everyone has a voice, then that includes the ignorant, the prejudiced, those with a loud and angry voice and no desire to listen to opposing viewpoints. Lately, it feels like those people are winning.

I hope some of this made sense, especially to Future Kristian who is reading this one year later, far removed from the time he spent getting upset about anonymous comments on the internet.

I plan on removing myself from online discussion surrounding the finale when it airs.

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Further reading

An interesting Twitter thread on the difference between watching something weekly vs binge watching it (Game of Thrones spoilers within)

A beautiful exploration of a major Game of Thrones character’s journey up to S8E5 (Major Spoilers)

The Weekly Deathmatch #55 – Overwatch – Hardware Anxiety

Year to Year: A Journal Through Time #14 – Quantifiable Magic (22/4/19)

Recent headlines

World: Extinction Rebellion: Climate change protesters at Natural History Museum

Gaming: Steam Users Flood Assassin’s Creed Unity With Positive Reviews Following Ubisoft’s Notre-Dame Efforts

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We’re two episodes into the last season of Game of Thrones from my perspective, and I think I’ve decided that it’s my favourite fantasy universe. This sounds like an easy opinion due to its overwhelming popularity, but remember that I’m a fantasy enthusiast who has sunk literally thousands of hours into World of Warcraft over the years. I always thought Warcraft was my favourite fantasy, but the more I experience the World of Ice and Fire, the more I come to respect how little magic is used. It’s never used overtly in the show, barring the existence of dragons and the undead, and that allows power struggles and grand battles to be more relatable, whereas magic in Warcraft is less quantifiable and therefore harder to measure in a fight. The latest expansion’s war campaign sees players enacting magical strategies and countermeasures to turn the tide of battle, and I can’t help but feel that the ability to fling goblin shredders into void elf black holes is nonsensical in a story which emphasises a need for a naval advantage. If I ever do write a fantasy novel, I’ll try to bear this in mind.

I’ve just had a week off, so I don’t have all that much to discuss, bar the works of fiction I’ve been absorbed in. As an introvert, I typically don’t go out much, even when I’ve booked time off, and sometimes I get a little self conscious about that. The truth is, though, that I’m perfectly happy sat at my PC, maybe gaming with friends, maybe binging a series. This week I caught up on World of Warcraft while listening to podcasts. I also had a friend over so I could show them Labo VR, and went to my sister’s for Easter. It was pretty chill! It’s just not the kind of thing you can stretch out for 600 words. Let’s meet back here next week, okay?

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Further reading:

The Weekly Deathmatch #52 – Overwatch – A Year of WDM in Hindsight

Year to Year: A Journal Through Time #13 – Goodness Me (15/4/19)

Recent headlines

World: Notre-Dame Cathedral: Firefighters tackle blaze in Paris (This is happening as I type, and it’s a damn shame. I hope nobody gets hurt.)

Gaming: Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order – Release Date and Everything We Know (This should be out by the time this publishes, but with the gaming industry the way it is, a delay might be a blessing)

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(Skip this first paragraph if you’re still avoiding Game of Thrones Season 8 spoilers.)

I’m at my family reunion, and it’s safe to say that would should have been a long-awaited pleasant homecoming is instead fraught with tension. My sister keeps disappearing without a trace, nobody knows how to talk to act around my brother with his new disability, and my eldest brother and sister have fallen out over his new girlfriend, who’s also come over to stay. It doesn’t help that she’s brought her fully-grown dragons with her. And- wait a minute, I’m not a Stark. I’m just so incredibly invested in this show that I’ve forgotten what reality is.

That’s right, Game of Thrones is back, and I spent hours upon hours last night watching fan theory videos and deep dives into the lore of the World of Ice and Fire. The show is on its eighth and final season, and while future Kristian and possibly you, reader, know how it ends, the Kristian who is writing this does not, and is uncertain as to what a post-Thrones life even looks like. Hell, I’m listening to the soundtrack while writing this and Mother of Dragons from the second season just came on; the hairs on the back of my neck just stood up. This show has done a better job of exploring a living world of people and families and politics and war than any other piece of fiction that I’ve ever explored. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that it’s also home to dragons and zombies and wolfboys and giants.

Reality, however, persists around me, and as arduous as it is I suppose I’m along for the ride, so let’s focus on that. I’ve been focusing on putting more goodness into the world recently, by way of small favours sprinkled in with the occasional grander gesture. Thing is, this isn’t something I’ve decided to do consciously, it’s just something I noticed myself doing when looking back over the last few weeks. And it’s all a bit wanky to go on about it, so I won’t, but I do want to mention that the feeling of doing something good for another human being is a natural high that is actually quite addictive. When I was sixteen I wanted to save the world, and I often give myself shit for that; it was a dream born of a desire to be seen as someone important, as a hero figure, and therefore my positive outlook on life was forced, false and doomed to fail. This latest bout of good behaviour, for want of a better term, isn’t from a place of wanting to be seen in any particular way, but is simply built on the fact that it makes me feel like my life has that little bit more value. It’s still a selfish motivation when all is said and done, but a less delusional one. I’ll take it.

I think that, when I was younger, I was so obsessed with the idea of being remembered that I lost my way in fears of being forgotten, and of ceasing to exist. Having navigated my way through this existential crisis, however, I’m happier to just make a smaller impact on the here and now. It’s no great change in my lifestyle or some grand epiphany; I think it’s just an indication that I’m in a better place than I was in 2018. (Hoo boy. What a year.)

I was going to talk about Nintendo Labo VR after that but I think that would that tonal shift would give you whiplash, dear reader, but if you are interested in my thoughts, feel free to check out the Weekly Deathmatch episode about it below.

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Further reading

The Weekly Deathmatch #51 – Robot Roller Derby Disco Dodgeball – The Labo VR Ramble

Game of Thrones Season 8 Trailer – Hey, remember this? You probably wish you could go back in time to re-watch it with a blank memory. Meanwhile, I just wish I could watch the entire series at once. Wanna swap?