I find that change, in retrospect, brings out the most emotion in me. Whether it’s the loss of friends or the beginning of some new era of my life, I’m always struck by the ever-changing nature of life, and how, through tragedy and comedy, the world is ushered into new chapters and can never be the same as it once was. And I used to find that horrifying, but now, I find it quite the opposite. But, to be less vague and emotional:
At the beginning of this year, I acknowledged how it would be a defining year for me, as it’d mark the end of my time at University and, somewhat alarmingly to me at the time, was going to force me out into the “real world” in pursuit of a job. Which, yeah, I should definitely have gotten before leaving uni, but that’s a self-criticism for another time. My New Year’s Resolution for 2016 was ‘Actualization’, meaning… well, I’ll let last year’s blog post speak for itself:
I will write my dissertation. I will finish my degree. I will find a job and I will live with it and in it. I will write fiction, and I will work on a story, and I will learn to live outside of my comfort zone even if that currently scares me in irrational volumes. I have spent twenty years of my life hanging back, for multitudes of reasons, and it’s time to stop. And just saying it won’t make it any easier, or make me any less likely to fail. But it’s time to start trying to try.
I’m delighted to say that I managed to achieve this, for the most part. I most certainly finished my dissertation. I graduated University with a 2:1 in Creative Writing. And I’ve got myself a job that I actually enjoy going to, and that I’m pretty good at… or, so I like to think. Of course, I’ve not written or published any fictional works, and I’m certainly not financially independent. But this is a blog post for looking back on 2016, and my (self-inflicted) descent into penniless hell is 2017’s demon to tackle.
2016 has personally been a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, I graduated, achieved elements of the previously mentioned actualization resolution, and actively developed as a person in regards to maturing into the adult world and learning to get shit done. (Not that I’m by any means perfect.) But I’ve also had low points; creative stagnancy and personal emotions have caused many gloomy days. I’ve said more goodbyes than I’d care to this year, either through circumstances of natural change or of my own volition. I’ve had to introduce elements of frustration and negativity into my life to keep my head above water in certain situations. And the future is as unknown and as frightening to me as it was at the end of 2015, a feeling I’d hoped to have conquered by the end of this year.
As far as the state of the world goes, I can’t say it’s been amazing. Democratic votes such as Brexit and Trump have been a sour note for me and my world views; the spread of hatred and violence appears not to have slowed one bit, and the prospects for next year are, to put it simply, glum. That being said, one should never count their politicians before they’ve declared war (sorry, that was awful), and you can never tell what the future will bring.
As for the so called Curse of 2016, I’ve been somewhat lucky in not knowing many of the celebrities who have passed away, though the recent loss of Carrie Fisher has been a personal note of sadness. What is getting me down is the irrationality of those who lean too heavily on the idea that 2016 is a year to escape from death; comments on Carrie Fisher’s health during her hospitalisation that claimed that we merely needed to make it to 2017 for her to be okay caused me to grit my teeth on many an occasion. It’s hard to put into words exactly what irritates me about this, but the general gist of it is that while it has most definitely been an unfortunate year regarding the frequency of famous deaths, the notion that it will simply cease in 2017 is highly irrational; these years, these groups of months only exist because we perceive them to, and to base your feelings and expectations around this is exactly the kind of ignorance that this world cannot afford to entertain right now. Anyone over the age of 40 can’t so much as cough now without social media making jibes about hiding them away and keeping them safe until the passing of the year, which I’d personally find somewhat offensive were these comments directed at me.
But hey, rant over. 2016 is (almost) a closed book, to be either shelved or stowed away in the attic and forgotten, depending on who you are. We’re mere hours away from a whole new year, and, human perspective or not, it’s always exciting and intriguing to try and predict just what kind of retrospective I’ll be writing a year from now.
Happy New Year. I’ll see you on January 1st.
(Sidenote: This evening I discovered the song Soon Soon by Tom Rosenthal which put me into the state of mind to write this blog post. It is a charming song with a beautiful music video, and I highly recommend it.)
Perpetually Perturbed 